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To Test Love's Posterity
* : Então, por favor, explicar-me porque eu estou dirigindo para a escola, às 9 da manhã? * : Well, Match, Bubble, Ruby an' I're workin' on a poster askin' Pen to the Nusze dance. * : Nusze? * : Nü-sheng Xuan-ze, 'tis Chinese the ladies choose 'eir mates. An' I need thet Pen so badly! * : Você se ambos não já no amor? * : No, but it's customary fer e'eryone ter ask someone out. * : Estúpido. Na minha época, teríamos apenas ir para ele. Não há necessidade de pedir a alguém que você ama de qualquer maneira. * : Why? 'Ow'nales'ee pertain to yer life? * : É essa a sua escola? * : Aye, wot— [Estigua pushes her out of the car] Thanks fer the ride! * : Não há problema! * : Hey! * : Aye! * : What are you doing; you are three minutes early. * : Sorry, me mum dropped me off at thet intersection on 8th an' Wal— Wait a second, why does you think I'm ye'lma fer bein' late? * : Let's go, you're going to be late for the test! * : But I've … me girls … * : Lollygag not, student! * : This is jus' … UNCLE! UNCLE! * : Well, we're finally here! * : Do you think Poincil will find whoire we are? * : Like, Pencil told me to meet us here. * : She should be here by now. * : Well, you know her mother. * : Yeah. * : Agroid. * : [monotonously] Greetings, notorious students, my name is Headmistress Golf Ball and I will be the main proctor of this ITIOTETAOTEI test with my husband, who also exists but is busy working on counselling papers. If you did not know what the above words signify, it means Intelligence Testing in Order to Examine the Aptitude of the Extremely Intelligent and not a Tahitian chant. * : Dang it! * : Once you receive your test booklets, write your name in the individual boxes provided. Also write your name vertically in over seventeen languages on the lines provided and fill in the bubbles based on the Chinese radicals in your Sinified name. If your name is not on the front cover of the test booklet, you will be expelled from every school in the country … [Pencil sees her cover and gasps quietly] … and then you will be stripped off your recovery licence, as I know that all of you have one. [everyone gasps, even Pencil''Despite the fact that she does not have a licence.] The second instruction you must do is … * : Psssst … * : Yeah? * : Why in 'ale'm I here? * : Well, you're here to take the ITIOTETAOTEI test, right? * : O' course not! I was supposed to make a Nusze sign with me alliance! * : Then if you're here without any intention of taking the most important test of the year, you might get the Dis. * : Dis, as in discipline? Y'know, me dad's in th' army, I should know meself a thi * : Oh, existing here is very, very, very, very, very, very, very illegal. * : * : … the score of the PraFTITIOTETAOTEI te— Who swore? I want to know the origin of that profanity. * : Oh, 'Eadmistress Ball, yer jus' like me boyfriend in thet delayed reaction, m8. * : Glisteria Lockham, I do not need any more of this hooey. * : Glisteria? Me name is— * : If it is not Glisteria, Ms. Whoever-You-Are-But-It-Had-Better-Be-Lockham, then I shall call the entire educational system and expel you forever. * : … pronounced Gl''eye''steria, see? I'm a-glistenin'! * : That was a close one, "Glisteria". * : It's … * : Beautiful! * : Seriously? It's, like, the most boring-looking paper I've seen in my life. * : That's because we noid to draw on it. [''Montage of Match, Bubble and Ruby drawing hearts and other lovey stuff on the paper.] * : Beautiful! Okay, people, tell me the first thing that comes in your head when you see this. * : Soulless. * : Poo! * : [sigh] You're right, it's the pooiest. * : I know, it's missing, like, one thing. [they look at Match] Y'know … okay, someone talk to me because I really am not interested in awkwardness. * : Don't you remoimber what Eroiser did for you? [Flashback.] : : Come here you flaminine! : : What do you want, rubboron? : : Go to me to the Nusze dance! : : Um, it's, like, girls’ choice. Don't you have a friend who speaks Chinese? [End flashback.] * : Oh yeah! Shortly after that, he threw a piece of cardboard at me demanding that I should dance with him the whole night and not look at any other guy! I love that organ of guilt! * : So what we need to do … * : … is make a piece of cardboard and throw it at Pen! * : But, like, Pencil told us to specifically use that poster paper; we all bought it together. * : Is Pencil here right now? * : She's being irrespoinsible by having us do oill the work! * : So you're saying we should, like, pact up on her? * : Yup! * : Just like last January! * : I bet she's having a wonderful time! * : [thinking] I'm 'avin' a terrible time! * : As of now, you students must be on question #2,314 in the next ten minutes, or else you're out of here. * : Seriously, like, wot the bloody , I haven't e'en finished the firs' question! "Multiply the geometric mean o' the population o' Sofia, Bulgaria between 3 January 1880 an' 28 October 1905 to the number of animals on th' average farm in a circle 4.473829 nautical miles around Lake Ozark." * : Wow! I'm on question #2,31'5'! All right! * : Glisteria, that may be wonderful for you but please keep your comments to yourself. [Fan is astonished] * : [looking around the room] Wait, I've an idea. [she colours in all of the bubbles to make a sentence in Farsi] Only 2,300 more questions to fake an' I'll be h'out o' this wild instrument chase! * : Operation ROP, like, activated! * : ROP? * : "Revenge over Pencil"! This is the best way to get back at her! * : Agroid. [Suddenly someone comes running towards the girls. It's Pen.] * : Match! * : , hide the board! * : Coy koi! [she throws the board in the nearest classroom] * : Match, Ruby, Bubble, I need your help. * : Whaaaaat do you want? * : I'm trying to hide from Eraser. * : Why? * : He wants me to drive himConsidering Pen's not old enough yet … to that place where he trades with the Gang! * : Roilly? * : And you choose this school, out of all places on a Saturday to hide! * : Yeah! Eraser hates this place, y'know. Plus, I'm not old enough – even though I have, like, 3 months left without a car. * : As I am very well aware of … * : Now, I'd better hide. * : Ferfin' Pen, not driving Dad's car for me. Well, I'll show him the dozens of traffic violations I got I can drive this stupid dancey robot. [he tries to start] MOVE! * : Alright Fan, let's see what you got … 8,630 questions–that is great, but I believe you can do better. [he goes to Pencil] * : O Assistant 'Eadmaster Ball, I, Glisteria Lockham, am pretty confident in me answers, an' as sure as 'ale not someone else in disguise as thet would be illegal. * : I know that it's you, Pencil. [he winks] But the number of answers you did not complete–it's inexcusable … unacceptable … What is that sound? [Eraser's car crashes through the walls of the testing room.] * : Cool, nerd party! * : What the literal hell!? [she then goes into a long chain of profanity. Everyone stares at her in shock.] * : Do you really think elephants can fly? * : Yeah! It happens in at least eight of my recurring dreams. [Enter Book.] * : Greetings, fellow non-humans! * : Omg, Book, how's your writer's block? * : What for? * : You were supposed to be with us to doicorate Poincil's poster with us … * : But you said that you had this disease known to books only, writer's block! * : Oh, that? That was just an excuse for me not to come. * : Cloiver. * : Yeah, I'm totally going to use that with my mother. * : It is not … I … [Enter Pencil.] * : Oi guys, sorry I'm late. * : Sorry? Even as a Canadian I can't take that! * : Whoire were you Saturday? * : I'm sorry, 'n all honesty. Jus', as I was walkin' 'ere, our 'orrendous 'eadmistress Golf Ball made me take a test. * : Like an actual test? * : Aye! It was all fer smart people, nerds all over! * : As one who is still with the nerds, we prefer the term "intellectually gifted" or "academic charmers" … or "not you". Second, did Mrs. Ball say anything about Glisteria Lockham? * : She h'ain' a fake! * : Glisteria Lockham is my sister. * : Wot? * : What's with the nonsense? * : Glisteria Lockham had some of her pages torn out! She lost a few IQ points, and that test meant so much to her. You are going to be in so much trouble. * : Is she scary? * : Yes. She is the total opposite of me; you will be terrified … [Enter the real Glisteria Lockham.] * : Hey, everyone! * : I didn' do anythin'! * : What are you talking about, sugar lumps! It's funny, because you're made of graphite on your bottom – not that I was staring or anything – but there should be eleven more of you, eleven of Mrs. Chembe and twenty-two of that hydrogen lady in our cafeteria to actually be a sugar lump! Oh, I kid, I kid. * : What brings you here? * : I just wanted to thank Pencil for taking my test and getting a 100%! * : Wot'n'ale? * : This is really serious! On Sunday we got a letter from the Nairobi International Schools Board of Education thanking me that I had brought a friend to take the test for me by bubbling in the Persian words for "I don't want to take the test", as specified in question #2,316 to achieve the full credit. I owe you my universe. * : Okay! * : Sayonara, females between the ages fifteen and eighteen! [Exit Glisteria.] * : She was … nice! * : Is that not bad? * : Y'says she was terrifyin'! * : She is terrifying … ly nice. * : What was that all about and why shouldn't I care? * : Apparently, on one o' the tes' questions, y'were supposed to erase more than two thousand questions an' make a sentence in * : [scoffs] I could care less. * : It is "I could not care less." * : You mean, "I could''n't'' care less"? * : 'O cares, I actually passed a test! *'All': Hooray! * : By the way, 'aven't'ee done me Nusze dance poster? * : Oh, that? * : Y'aven' started? Were ye waitin' fer me? * : Well, we sort of thoight you boiled on us on purpose, and so we did this … [She shows a piece of cardboard with a poop emoji on it. Pencil is shocked.] * : I can't presen' Pen with this, not if I wan' to look like a sociopath 'o subjugates guys I've got mpenzi with! * : I do that all the time; it's fun. * : Woit, isn't Pen doing some morning woirkout which coises him to be late to school? * : Aye, thet's right! Me Pen's joggin' around the neighbourhood to school to get 'is calories burned. * : Great, so we'll have enough time to make the finished poster. * : Luckily, me wallet is full o' pictures of ourselves. * : Don't you, like, put money there? * : I am Pencil Triángolo, why'd I bring money to school? * : Moybe I can run to Mr. Hoiplite's room to get that old poster paper! * : And I can check the art room if I can borrow supplies. * : And I know, like, a really nice electrician and visual arts decorator in Guayaquil who can drop off supplies that make your poster look unhideous! * : Great then, let's work! We've only got a few minutes to spare before you-know-'oo shows up. * : Voldemort's coming? * : No, I meant Pen! An' why talk when we can work? * : That is so true. [Montage. Pencil, Match, Bubble, Ruby and Book work together to make the best goddamn Nusze proposal poster the school's ever seen.] * : It's … * : Beautiful … * : Like a psychedelic display of colour … * : Or a supernova explosion … What? I do not get out much. * : Quick, he's coming! * : Get to position … [Enter Pen and Eraser.] * : Phew! So glad my sweat's transparent, I'm really hot … * : And I'm really cool. [Pen glares at him] So … what's this poster doing in the middle of the streets? * : I don't know. If it's some sort of Nusze dance proposal, that person is going to be so lucky. [The poster moves a bit. Suddenly, Match, Bubble, Book, Ruby and Pencil pop out of the poster.] * : Surprise! * : We were forced to do this. * : What's all this? * : We felt bad about what we did to the oroiginal poister * : So we made you a new one * : An' 'ad attributed'e h'all to me! * : Oh my gosh, that's so sweet! * : And disgusting. [Exit Eraser.] * : So wot d'ye say? Will ye go to the Nusze dance with me? * : My love, there can only be one answer … Yes! * : Omg, 'e says "yes"! [The surrounding crowd cheers, and then immediately walks away.] * : So, when shall I pick y'up? I can do seven, eight or nine, but by nine me attitude's a little off, not in a bad sense, but in a h'"I want to party" sense, y'know … * : Oh, Penc … * : Oi m8, me bora Match'll jus' call me thet, an'll be so kojo'd's'e finds out but y'can use'e too, yeah? THE END Category:Season 3 episodes Category:Episodes